Only a Dream

The good part didn't last long - not nearly long enough.

I was walking. Was it a field? a street? I don't know. A man came along beside me on my right. I didn't see his face because he was next to me, but I could tell he was smiling. He put his left arm around my waist in a friendly, supportive way. We exchanged no words, but I was not alarmed. I knew he was not a threat, but good and kind.  

Then I realized I could no longer feel the ground beneath my feet. I was exerting no energy to move forward, yet I wasn't floating. Staring down, I  watched my legs step in unison with his. This puzzled me. I tried to make sense of how it could be, even as a calm happiness filled me.

I heard raindrops falling softly on the very big umbrella over us. The man held the handle in his right hand, but kept his left hand securely on my waist.

If only I had wakened at that point, but the dream continued...

The umbrella morphed into a huge canopy. I was holding onto it, preparing to raise it above my head. Suddenly, all kinds of people were trying to get under it for protection. Some of them were foreigners who stood clustered around me. I felt frustrated that they didn't seem to understand that they needed to spread out around the edge of the canopy, so we could all hold up a small part of it.

Since they weren't moving, I decided to move to a less crowded area. The next thing I knew, the canopy had become the sail of a large boat. A sense of dread came over me as I realized I had moved so far that I was not even on it! The boat was rapidly pulling away from the dock. I knew I was not going to be able to get back to it in time.

Feeling frightened and helpless. I realized I was the foreigner. I didn't know where I was. I didn't speak the language. I had no idea where the boat was going. I only knew I wasn't on it.     

Then I woke up. Rarely have I had a dream that I felt "meant something." I know this one does.

This morning I am trying to sort it out. Jesus is clearly the man who came along beside me in the first part. The Lord has been speaking clearly to me to stop trying so hard to be what I think I should be, and simply trust Him. He is not the Father who is never quite pleased that I so easily assume Him to be, but a kind, loving, empowering Companion.There are times when I walk in this truth, but they don't last long enough.

Too often I find myself in the second-half of the dream, trying to figure things out on my own and only getting more confused and more frustrated. Panic and fear take over when I realize how lost I am...again.

Thank You, Lord, for reminding me of how wonderful You are! Please help me to shift out of self-sufficiency, so it can be Your power working in me. Let me choose to believe Your love and trust Your sufficiency. 

The Bluebird

A few weeks ago I had a shelf made to go above our sliding glass door in the kitchen. Because there is a window behind it, I set my collection of cobalt blue glass on the shelf. Brilliant! Maybe too brilliant.

Not a week had passed before a bluebird began fluttering anxiously around the large kitchen windows behind the table. Sometimes the poor thing flew so close, it banged against the glass with its beak. It would only pause for a moment here and there to rest on one of the window sills or the nearby fence.

My initial happiness at seeing the bird (my favorite!) turned quickly to concern. I wondered what might cause such odd behavior. The longer I watched, the more obvious it became that the bluebird was attracted to the blue glass. Now and then it perched on the lower sill, its little chest beating, staring up at the shelf above the patio door. Evening came. It grew dark. I hoped it was over.

The next morning, the bluebird returned to flutter and bang against the window. Throughout that day, and the next day, and the day after that, it continued. Even in our bedroom, I could hear its beak hitting against the window pane. Three days in, the sight and sound finally brought me to tears.

My heart broke for the bluebird trying to reach the blue glass. I understood what it was like to be attracted to something - something Beautiful and strangely familiar, but so much more - and want desperately to reach it, only to be blocked again and again by an invisible barrier. I have banged against that wall so many times.

Lord God, You are beautiful beyond description. You invite me to come into Your presence! Jesus has made it possible for me to do so! Yet sometimes I feel so unable to really reach You. Please help me to believe that I will and not give up. Thank You that Your love never fails to reach me.